So today I worked on a Sunday… which is strange because I haven’t worked a Sunday in about a month and a half. Now I used to love working Sunday, reason being is because of trading hours you finish work earlier instead of 9-10pm at night.
But today I hate the fact I worked Sunday. I’m used to finishing late and having a couple of hours to myself before I call the other half. I feel lonely. I finished work at 6pm and I haven’t even made plans to meet up with any friends.
The problem with being in a long distance relationship quite often is you feel alone. As cheesy as this sounds sometimes I see Longer as a dream come true. You can’t see them, you can’t feel them… you will spend time with them and it will be the happiest you ever been in a while however once you go home it’s like you’ve just woken up, welcome back to reality. You can speak about your other half to your friends as much as you like, more than likely your friends won’t meet him/her for a while.
Always you look forward to the day that geographically and emotionally you will be closer together. To have them come home to you, despite it being late or early, share the bed together and share how each other’s day was and to just embrace one another. Truth is, it’s not as easy as that… reality is long distance relationships require compromise and maybe sometimes sacrifice. To have a future together both parties need to understand someone is going to have to move locations, which isn’t easy especially if you’re someone like me who has established their social circles, found a place you can call ‘home’ and somewhat enjoy where you work (…occasionally). Long distance relationships aren’t for the naive at all.
My situation is slightly more complicated. Due to our cultural differences like I mentioned before I have not met my other half’s parents. Unfortunately they’re still arranging Longer to go on dates with other people, you may ask why they can’t say no? Simple answer is, it’s complicated. Some people may understand but in this situation it often feels like they are more in a relationship with someone else rather than myself.
What keeps me going however is how honest Longer has been whilst we’ve been together. I trust them, who knows I may regret this one day but for the moment I have no regrets and I am happy. This relationship has made me realise how important communication can be something my immature self didn’t realise before. Despite this I haven’t got ‘Stupid’ written all over my forehead. I’ve given Longer till February to come clean to his parents and hopefully… maybe it works out?
Currently sitting on the sofa whilst raping my Netflix account of all its TV Series… Stranger Things 2 is the one! In the evenings after I finish work (which is normally after 9pm) I normally relax and watch TV or play games on my phone to pass the time… whilst I wait for my scheduled phone call with Longer.
Since getting in a long distance relationship I’ve realised the importance of getting to know each other’s time schedules and also compromising with one another to make things work. Longer normally finishes work late at around 1-2am in the morning which is crazy to a normal, 9-5 working person/ couple. Fortunately I work in retail in one of the craziest shopping centres which means I can always get enough sleep before work.
Sadly I haven’t been to the gym in like 2 months since I’ve come back from holiday. Sure I could blame it on the ‘relationship gut’ but if I’m honest to myself it’s because I’m lazy and I enjoy sleeping too much. My figure has suffered however… I’m definitely not as ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ as I used to be, when I look down I can just see my gut protruding over the top of my jeans. Now I look like a pubescent, chubby teenager, plus or minus a few spots on my face.
Thankfully to the other half we met at a time when my body had definitely seen better days… I currently weigh 5kg less than when we first met. Longer and I got comfortable with each other very quickly, I am confident that we’re not together just for each other’s looks (this is contrary to the idea that online dating only works if you’re physically attractive).
Nevertheless my New Years Resolution is to carry on shedding body fat and to gain some muscle mass. Must prepare for the travelling and holidays I intend to do this year!
So I am currently on a train back to London after spending New Years with the other half… needless to say they live 293km away and is also a massive workaholic. I spontaneously created this blog as a diary to myself but also for others to read who may be in the same situation as me. As many know diaries are hard to stick to but I’ll try update this daily…
What is a Belonger you ask? To be honest I just made this up about 5 minutes ago whilst drawing the profile photo for this website on Pixlr. To me however a Belonger is a woman or a man who currently ‘belongs’ to someone who lives ‘longer’ distance or will be moving further away. I assume a common feeling in these long distance relationships is the feeling of being alone (in simple terms a ‘loner’) whilst longing for someone. If you have a better idea however feel free to comment or message me I’m open to ideas!
What’s my story you’re probably wondering… Well in the 21st century according to the Telegraph a quarter of Brit’s use online dating apps to find ‘the one’. I put love in inverted commas as I’m still skeptical of the idea that ‘the one’ actually exists. However I was part of the lucky 37% who met their other half online. I admit I was not looking or desperate at the time to find someone however I thought I would reopen an old dating application I used a couple of months prior to check out what talent was around.
Trying to remain anonymous I will refer to my other half as Longer because I’m creative like that… So me and Longer have been together since Autumn 2017 (nearly 6 months?) and surprisingly things have been going extremely well considering the circumstances (which I will come to in further posts). We haven’t had our first argument yet, I have met their friends but I haven’t met the parents yet, we’ve been on our first getaway together, yes we’ve been intimate and I’m not sure what other bench marks there are when it comes to a relationship but I’m sure they’re all relevant.
Considering my longest relationship was 2 years on and off we were talking last night about what was going well for us. In long distance relationships the obvious thing is that you must have 200% trust in your Longer. To build this up being open and honest about everything is key. This ties into communication and the importance of communicating how you feel including when you’re mad or frustrated with something or even someone. I am lucky albeit it’s only been 6 months, me and Longer are incredibly comfortable with each other and can even vent our frustrations through ‘banter’. I’m sure this is why we haven’t argued yet. By all means the best time to have these conversations is together and alone when both Longers are calm and collected. I am the worst when it comes to opening up about any problems and issues, unfortunately my walls have been built up high over time but patience is the key. Never force one another to talk about issues, it will make us close up even more, we will tell you when we are ready. More importantly never keep something inside, things will build up and like a volcano you WILL erupt. Never go to sleep with unresolved issues…
Just arrived at Euston station… just need to message the other half and let them know then I shall continue tomorrow… see communication is key…